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Monday, March 16, 2015

UDUAK- Episode 4


Ruth and I walked down to the notice board, the only thing that came to mind was how my mum had to do petty trade in those days to see that we as a family could eat once a day, she and my dad struggled so had to ensure we had corn meal( akamu) and bean cake ( akara) in the morning and one proper meal later in the day, my family was such that we were not mostly sure of what we would eat the following day, it all started  when my dad got retrenched from the railway corporation , we had nothing to fall back on, it’s being a difficult life.


Ruth was more excited than myself (LOL),not like I wasn’t excited, I was just astounded and all I could do was shed tears. Ruth decided to take the celebration a bit further by taking me to an restaurant directly opposite the school gate, we had lunch,I had starch and banga while Ruth settled for amala and ewedu soup, lol,her way of reminding me that she remembers her roots even if she’s far off, a little we both were done and strolled back to class.  I got back home that day and informed my parents about the test and the outcome, My mum was so excited that her daughter would be going for her masters outside Nigeria, her joy knew no bounds, amazingly  my dad was happy about the whole thing, he only had issues with my not being married yet and he goes;


Dad: Uduak, congratulations, I rejoice with you my daughter, you have done well for yourself. It’s a good thing. Have you discussed with Rukewe?
Uduak: What has discussing with Ruks got to do with this?
No I’m not being insensitive and callous, all I’m saying is I would be going with or without his consent, don’t get me wrong, this kind of opportunity comes once in a life time , at least for someone with my background it takes a miracle to go outside the shores of this country to study.
Dad: Everything!!! Don’t tell me you have forgotten all he did for you?
Uduak: Fine I appreciate all he has done for me, but I’m not married to him neither  did I promise him marriage, for God sakes I’m only going to be away for less than 2years, why are you making an issue out of this?
Dad: Listen to yourself…you are only going to be away for 2years, how old will you be two years from now? You better listen and listen carefully; we should arrange an engagement ceremony for the both of you before you leave, I have given him my words and I do not forgot any good done to me
Uduak: And you think it’s inconsequential what I think/feel about you giving him your word without having my opinion? I am a human being not a piece of furniture! You cannot do that without asking for my opinion.
At this point I was already raising my voice at my dad, yea, I knew it was a wrong thing to do, but I wasn’t going to let myself into any forced marriage.
My mother tried to chip in a few words;
‘Uduak my daughter, please calm down and hear us out, your father and I are only taking cognisance of the fact that age is no longer on your side, and we think it’s only proper to get engaged to Rukewe before going out of the country for your masters, so that when you return by God’s grace we can now go ahead with the wedding proper, this is Africa, women are naturally expected to marry in good time, when you return , most men would be scared to ask you out’
Uduak: Mummy, most men not all, meaning I still have a chance right?
Mum: The small fraction out of a 100% remaining might be after younger women, you are my only daughter and I can’t afford to sit back and watch you take this risk.
Dad: Well, I have spoken, if you go against my words, I would not hesitate to disown you, so do not think you would disobey me and I would let you into my house when you get back.
Mum: Dear, it hasn’t gotten to that, not yet! Uduak let me see you in my room right now.
My mum and I went to hers
Mum: My daughter you have to be smart, you mustn’t marry him when you get back, if you find a better person, by all means please marry, but just in case you don’t find this is supposed to serve as a backup measure. Just obey for your own good. I would tell your father that I have spoken to you and you have agreed, but let this be between us.
Women!!! I can’t believe what my mum and I just agreed on????
Uduak: Ok ma, I have heard you.

............................................/The story continues.

Picture credit:Google


I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass.
— Maya Angelou


Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Uduak - Episode 3

.......For about two weeks Eki decided to seat rows away from me as if she was informed that I’m responsible for her low grades. Hmmm, Ruks ( Rukewe) came to school to see me so I decided to get some money from him, since Jamb forms were on sale again, I wanted to re-write Jamb and apply for a course which I like and discontinue with this one my dad chose, I mean, if he likes the course that much he would need to come to school and study for it. Ruks gave me some money from which I got the form and as such started studying for the Jamb exams which wasjust a few months away.




I noticed Eki became close to Dorothy,  another lousy girl in class, she does nothing than chew gum and make noise all day, but they both have something in common…they both come from a rich background,lol….am I suppose to get jealous, without wasting time, Ibinabo became my friend, at least If anyone should try to make the other jealous it should be with a brilliant friend, Ibinabo gets the best grades in class. I try to say hi to her and the failure she calls a friend anytime our paths cross, come to think of it, since I became friends with Ibinabo, my grades have positively changed. Well this drama continued between myself and Eki, for a while, so bad that even when I wrote and passed Jamb again she wasn’t aware, Ibinabo has been very helpful, I had to change faculty and started studying my favourite course ‘LAW’. Going through all these registration procedures again was tiresome, but I had to do it. After two weeks of settling into my new faculty and meeting my very mean level co-ordinator (Mr. Ted), one morning on my way to class I got a call, it was Eki(Ok looks like someone just woke up from a very  long siesta)
Uduak; hey there…..look who’s calling….how have you been?
Eki: helloooo….I’m fine, Not seen you in class for some weeks now, did you travel?
UduakLL : (so she cares after all, ewww) No dear, I changed my course of study, now studying LAW, we should hook up one of these days, it’s been a while.
Eki: wow! That’s nice to know, you finally got your favourite course, so happy for you.
Uduak: thanks darling mia.
Eki: aww, this calls for celebration, is your father aware of this?
Uduak: not until you tell him…..LOL
Eki: c’mmon! I have no plans of calling him, well, I went shopping with Jayden(her bae), and I got your oily face this  Blackup 8hr correcting primer






Uduak:( I had to swallow my pride since its non fattening and accept the gift) awwww….thanks a lot, this is coming at the right time,
Eki and I tried to mend the fences that some of our friends felt even Julius Berger cannot mend( lol) and we became friends again, I introduced her to Ibinabo and advised her to get friendly with her, so as to improve her ugly grades. Don’t tell her I said this#Uglygrades)

This faculty if full of psychos, but well I should learn to get along with everyone right? If not for any reason, but for my grades.
Semester came after semester, time went by,Eki and I were in 400level but for my course I should have graduated with her( Nna I am getting old oh, anyway, na just one year remain), I made sure I attended her graduation ceremony and after party, she was to leave for London the following month for her masters,( money is good, papa Uduak is not even thinking in this direction, all he knows is that I should finish my school so he can exchange me for some tubers of yam,red oil, dry fish,kolanut,dry gin and some bundles of naira note). Things got really difficult as my dad refused to give me money again, for him,I was meant to spend 4years for the course he chose for me to study,anything more than 4years isn’t his business as it means carry over,I had to be loyal to Ruks, who really tried for me, I made photocopies of textbooks instead of buying as I could hardly afford them, my level co-ordinator noticed this and asked if my parents were alive and I narrated my story , so he told me to always come to him for any problem I had concerning my buying of handouts and textbooks, he liked me so much because I was the best female student at that level. This really got me going.
Second semester ,500Level, Mobil came to our school to organise a test ,from which they would award scholarships to outstanding students, this scholarship is expected to aid these outstanding students in furthering their masters. Reluctantly I took the test, for me I underestimated myself, I never knew I could pass, the following week the results were sent to the school, I was in the Library when my lousy course mate ran to the Library and started screaming and hugging me without saying a word, the Librarian sent us out and asked us to not come back to the Library for the next 3days, when we got outside I asked Ruth; What’s the issue?( Ruth is a very fat Yoruba girl from Osogbo) and the she went ahead to explain in her Osogbo accent………..
Ruth: Issue ke? Oremiiiiiiiii ko si issue! You made it dear
(Made what??, Can she just talk to me????)
Uduak; Made what?
Ruth: The result is out, the mobil test result ……. And you passed!
I was so happy that I started crying, I never knew God would honour me this way! A girl from a very poor home is going to study outside the country on full scholarship…..hmmm Papa Uduak’s mentaility towards the female child will at least change a little and he can’t stop me from going….this is not his money.
Ruth: stop crying, you deserve it ni. I also heard they would allocate all of you that passed to various Universities in the UK and USA……., Finally I have a reason to travel, I will just tell maaami that I am going to visit oremi. you can go and see your name with your own eyes, it is the Lord’s doing!

I walked in tears with Ruth to the faculty’s notice board…..



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Monday, February 9, 2015

UDUAK Episode 2

……..  It was Mr. Fadin,  I felt like disappearing… OMG! We both couldn’t utter a word, we just stood there looking sorry, like they say most times, it’s better to look sorry than to say ‘sorry’. He smiled and left us……
What’s that smile suppose to mean? Eki asked…..Does it mean he isn’t angry with us?
The only thing that came to my mind as an answer for her was ‘ Eki, now wen you ask me, na who I go ask? LMAO
Eki was a bit irritated…kai all these ajebos can take things personal, something I would tell Ekaette at home and she would answer by singing Omawumi’s song, well this time, I’m in no mood to massage anyone’s ego, the only thing on my mind is how to go and beg Mr. Fadin, because my father has warned me seriously that he would never pay for carry over courses( that is not minding the fact that I’m studying a course of his choice not mine).
As we walked down the faculty, heading to Mr. Fadin’s office, all I could think about was my father’s reaction should I fail this course, I already find the course difficult and with this, OMG. He might just advise Rukewe to come and take me to his house, so he can start paying my bills (Rukewe is our Local government chairman’s son, whom my father thinks is the all in all, because of the cash gift he gives to him whenever he comes around, if only my father knows that I have dreams of meeting Dangote’s son someday…heheheheehe,hes so clueless about my dreams and very eager to get me out of his house, Rukewe is a local champion to me, but I need his money for maintenance, so I just give him a bit of hope)Eki was quiet all through, we finally got to Mr. Fadin’s office and couldn’t find the courage to go in, luckily he was seeing Mrs Askia off(Mrs Askia is another ‘not so nice’ lecturer, if you miss her class …..yea well God help you) but the thing is she’s so beautiful, so most times in her drama, there is something good to stare at…… she looks at us sternly and said……

Mrs Askia: Why are you both standing here?
Eki & I: Good day ma….
Mrs Askia: That doesn’t answer my question
Uduak: Ma’am we are here to see Mr. Fadin
Mrs Askia: What for? And why are you both finding it difficult to go into his office?
Now when it comes to telling lies, oh sorry,filling in the gap, Eki has a gift, and so she goes…..
Eki: Oh yes ma, we figured out he had a guest and so we decided to wait until you both finished your discussion…… Ma!
While all these interrogation went on Mr. Fadin stood there like he doesn’t have a clue of what was being said.
Mrs Askia: Ok Fadin….. I should be on my way now, please ensure you come along with those documents to the meeting, it’s very important so no stone is left un turned.
Mr. Fadin: Ok Madam…….. I will ensure everything that is needed is available…Bye.
Mr. Fadin: Ok…young ladies, if you are done telling lies, you can both come in
Eki & Uduak: Thank you Sir.He was a bit of a gentle man though, he actually held the door for Eki and I to go in before himself. He went to his refrigerator to serve himself a glass of this South African wine, Drostidy Hof extra light.

Do you mind?
Eki & I : Oh yes Sir, thank you.
Uduak: Sir, we have come to say we are sorry about our utterances, we didn’t mean to be rude, Sir please find it in your heart to forgive us, we are very sorry Sir.
Eki: And again since your course is about our favourite course at this level we just want to ensure it keeps being our favourite course by being on the same page with our favourite lecturer.
Mr Fadin took another sip from his glass, gave Eki a weird smile, and asked….did you just say the course I take you is your favourite course at this level?

Eki: Ohh yes Sir.
Mr. Fadin brought out scripts from the test we wrote a few days back and brought out Mine and Eki’s script, Eki scored 3/10 while yours truly scored 5/10…… now these are your scripts, you tell me, is this how a student performs in her favourite course?
At this point Eki became dumb
 Mr. Fadin: Say something young lady!
Eki: Sir, but I did my best…..and…

Mr. Fadin: yes! And your best earned you 3/10, instead of you to sit down and read your books you go around campus making a mockery of people’s accent as if you’re better off, meanwhile I marked this script before that event, so do not think you were marked low due to your utterances. And you(turning to me) , 5/10 is not good enough, this is the stage where you can prepare yourself to graduate with an excellent degree, this system works like this…THE HIGHER YOU GO, THE TOUGHER IT BECOMES! Go and study hard young ladies, I know you are both beautiful but no man out there wants to marry a failure. Now you can both leave my office if you don’t mind I have work to do!
Eki& I: Ok Sir, thank you Sir!
We barely got out of the office when Eki started blaming me for all that happened……..hehehehe e be like say this Eki no sabi say I be native fowl, I de beat person oooh, which level na”

Uduak: Hey Eki, this is not the time to apportion blames, we were both wrong to have made mockery of his accent, and we have apologised, if you are upset about your scores, don’t take it out on me, it’s not my fault that you scored 3/10,is it? All we can do right now is to go and study hard for his next test and make sure we impress him enough to forgive us…..

Eki:Did you just say ‘we’? (she hissed and walked away)……



It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves
   -William Shakespeare

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

UDUAK.........Episode 1


My name is Uduak,I am 30 years old.I only just got admission into my state University, I had to wait for all my brothers to go before me , because my father is of the opinion that the male child should be given more priority than the female child( I see you giving me that look  “ like seriously? In this present day and time?) ….oh yea… that’s my story, I am from a struggling background, so my father decided to send my three brothers to the University before me and also wants me to study a course of his choice, how boring can life be??????
It’s a higher institution unlike primary or secondary school, so I can manage despite the age difference between yours truly and these kids in class (yea kids! some of them are just about 20years old and really, 10 years is no joke, if na village some of them would have to refer to me Aunty Uduak). I go from home every day,yea….my father wants to monitor all I’m doing…..(still wondering why he’s yet to start attending my lectures with me…..#mschwwwwww). Course registration is what is killing me, one has to keep going to these lecturer’s offices for their signature and all you hear is “ I am very busy ,come back later” so annoying! Like they are very busy just to append their signature???? How stressful can this system be???The General studies classes are just unbearable……GST 101,102…….etc….!!! There is nothing like finishing your Bsc at a younger age ( oh really you think I regard myself as old? No I don’t ….. but the way these course mates of mine make me feel most times though…yea well let’s leave that for now)
 I have made new friends, the closest was Eki, unlike me Eki is from a privileged background, she’s got everything she wants and needs……but she’s starting to get on my nerves…….she complains about everything I wear and was very blunt about it just this morning……
‘hey babes…if you’re really gonna be my friend then you need to step up your game,these things you wear are so tacky…..For God’s sakes my mum looks younger and  more put together than you do’
At this point, I knew I had to do something, but the problem is I come from a home  where everything is done and believed like it’s done in the 60s…..how do I wear these very tight stuff…My mum would definitely shout down the heavens, she doesn’t believe you have to wear these things to look good….she always say….If you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful…..moreover the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach>>>>>>>>>>>LOL….Somebody help me tell this woman that, that saying no longer holds water………………or is it my Dad……who would curse till he starts having hiccups….or my brothers who would start giving you this look like’ been there…done that’ like they are the first to see the four walls of the University, I felt I should respect my little self……but I don’t think that’s helping  and again I remember Eki comparing me to her mum…..uhmmm…… I need to start exercising, this girl is beginning to think me old…maybe I should start by adjusting all these my deeper life gowns and face the real world..hehehehe But this body of mine…..would it allow me?????

Its Wednesday morning and this lecturer has fixed his class for 7.30am instead of 8.30am his reason being that he needs to be somewhere by 9am….(Its really nice deciding when you want to work though…I love me some lecturing job in the future) so we are all here in this cold class when Eki sent me an sms saying she’s at the car park trying to get a space to park her Toyota corolla 2014 model(Life’s good#LG) and I should keep a seat for her…wow!!! Everyone knows that no one keeps a seat for anyone in Mr Fadin’s class!!! Well I ignored her and next thing is she comes into class, finding out that there is no seat for her( she had to stand all through the class) she started acting funny, after Mr Fadin’s class she got a seat, somewhere in the walkway that leads to the faculty and sat all by herself……...Dramaqueentinz yea… ………Ok I walked up to her and apologised (I have to be the big na,after all na me be the dry fish for this matter) after plenty “sorry na” we went to the cafeteria to get drinks, it’s being a sunny day, the sun is actually out doing itself today, we got talking and laughing over Mr. Fadin’s accent…………
I sincerely hope you two pass my course……said a voice that sounded familiar from behind
Myself and Eki turned slowly like robots ……… and guess who was behind us???????









She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
----Proverbs 31:26